


Stop Buying Fish, They're Just Going To Die, Honey

by batterwitch_dumb_basses



Series: Six Months [5]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Humanstuck, M/M, eridan has fish and is upset because they die and he loves them, feeder fish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-12
Updated: 2015-10-12
Packaged: 2018-04-26 01:32:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4984753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/batterwitch_dumb_basses/pseuds/batterwitch_dumb_basses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eridan keeps buying feeder fish. Unfortunately, they die. And Sollux is so very done with it all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stop Buying Fish, They're Just Going To Die, Honey

“Eridan…” Sollux started, biting his lip as Eridan huddled near the second tank he’d bought, sniffling.

People, Sollux had found out, have their different ways of personal torture. For instance, Sollux liked to code. Coding was quite hard, even if you knew how to do it at a genius level. Kanaya loved buying vampire novels to rant about their inferiority to ‘Interview with a Vampire’, and gleefully would run Twilight marathons to complain at the screen about the awful nature of the movie and the fact that Alice and Bella was a viable ship. Karkat would read every single fanfiction of his favourite pairings only to cry at the poor quality of certain ‘fics’. People bought cake to moan about putting on weight, read books they hated, practised make-up and got cramp in their hands, went shopping for shoes with their significant others to spend time with them despite hating shoes.

And Eridan bought feeder fish and got upset when they died. He’d spent his money on expensive mediation and the fish that he bought would be the happiest little feeder fish in the world and then die because they were, after all, from a cheap pet store that kept them in crowded tanks. He’d bring home pairs, and then cry when they both died or when one survived. Juliet and Romeo were his first pair, two fish he said were ‘rosy red minnows’. Romeo died about a week later, although Juliet was still swimming around the tank. Eridan had cried and cried, and Sollux was absolutely done. His first clue had been a message that read ‘HE’S DEAD’. Sollux had raced home to find Eridan cradling the little body, sniffling and sobbing.

So, fool he was, Sollux had told him to go get more fish, told him that it happened, blah blah blah. He’d taken him down to the store the next day after they drove to the nearest lake and cremated Romeo on a raft of lollipop sticks, Eridan squeezing Sollux’s hand tightly the entire time. Sollux had never thought that he would list ‘Viking Funeral For A Fish’ under the things he would do to keep his loved one happy.

Enter Draco and Harry. Two male fish who were apparently ‘Sunset Mickey Mouse Platies’. Eridan had stopped crying, and cheered up, talking to the fish like they were babies, and cheering up enormously, while the exotic fish had watched with disinterest as Draco and Harry rushed around their tank happily, Juliet swimming to meet them with curiosity. It had been actually pretty cute.

Until it turned out a few days later that the Chosen One could actually die, despite what J.K Rowling preached. Eridan had sobbed, and Draco had sulked by the little mermaid statue Sollux had insisted at the store that the fish should have, no matter how tacky it apparently was. Juliet didn’t care, and another fish had been given a funeral, although this time they buried him in the woods near the lake they’d cremated Romeo on with a little rock for a headstone which had ‘Harry’ painted on with a little likeness beside his name. They’d had duly sad cookies for the wake.

Juliet and Draco had then been pretty happy, and Eridan had moped about for a few days. And then Sollux had come home to find him happy, talking to the tank and god damn everything if Eridan had not _gone and bought more fish._

He’d not bought one, or two. Three fish were zooming around. Chien-Po, Yao, and Ling. He’d been talking happily to them, and Sollux had decided that this was how he would die. He’d go insane because of this vicious cycle of Eridan’s.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t the little guppies who had died. It was Draco. Draco had died about two weeks later, and Eridan had cried and cried. They’d managed to forget where Harry’s grave was, and the fact that Draco and Harry had to be buried apart made Eridan nigh on howl. He’d actually shuddered with tears streaming down his face, and Sollux had simply gritted his teeth and dug the tiny little grave.

So of course a new pair, Ruby and Sapphire, had been bought to ease the grief. And up until now, everything had been fine, and Sollux had prayed that nothing would happen.

Unfortunately, whatever god was responsible for fish had not answered his prayer. Juliet had died in the night. How could you say to your fish-loving boyfriend that he should stop buying fish that were going to die? It fuelled more money into the creation of feeder fish.

Sollux sighed, trying to rid every shred of cynical asshole from his personality before kneeling to put a hand on Eridan’s shoulder.

“Honey…” The nickname made Eridan look up, and, oh, crap, he was doing the silent crying thing. Oh, fuck everything. Sollux was weak to that. Majorly weak, and he hated the misery in Eridan’s eyes as he placed Juliet with reverence in her little zip lock bag into one of his expensive shoe boxes. Ready for burial, apparently.

“Eridan, look. You keep buying thethe thingth, okay? They aren’t raithed properly and their normal lifethpan ith thhort ath fuck anyway.” He tugged Eridan’s shoulders until the other looked at him. “But you keep being upthet when they die. You…you need to jutht think on how much happier they were being with you, okay?”

Eridan looked up with tearful eyes. “But I…I…”

“They have a much better life, Eridan. You love your thtupid fithh. And I know you love them, okay? And I know they’re better off with you, not being eaten by a bigger fithh. Okay?” He hugged him close as Eridan burst into noisy sobs.

“C-Can we go get more next week?” he asked in a snotty, sniffling voice, and Sollux just about melted.

Well, crap.

“Yeah, thure. If I can name one thith time?” he asked, and Eridan nodded softly into his shoulder.

He wouldn’t get too attached. Of course he wouldn’t. He was famously apathetic.

 

“He’th tho fucking cute. Dorito, you’re thuch a cutie.” Sollux cooed as his fish swam along, Cheeto swimming by him as they explored their new home, Ruby and Sapphire huddled by the mermaid. The tank was big enough for them all, of course, being one of the big ones that Eridan said he had a few of at his parents’ house. Yao and Chien-Po had unfortunately both died within days of each other, but there had been no wailing of any sort, just calm plans for burial and Eridan painting the little rock as a headstone.

He wasn’t too attached to these cute little babies. They were another pair of platies, and they were the cutest thing. So, so very sweet. He cooed to them through the glass, and Eridan patted his shoulder.

“I see w-what you mean now-w, Sol. It’s not right to get all upset w-when all the fish are goin’ to the great big pond in the sky anyw-way.”

“Oh, yeah…But Dorito and Cheeto are not gonna die, ED.” Sollux smiled at the two zoomed about the tank.

“Uh, Sol…”

“Right?”


End file.
